Many of us, at one point or another have experienced bonds that have affected the way we view ourselves and the way we experience life and the people around us. These bonds, if not careful, become as cancer and spread within our beings.
How can you tell if you may be in an unhealthy tie?
• Pay attention to what those closest to you observe and acknowledge. The people that know us best can often recognize things that we may willing and unknowing develop a blind spot towards. Always be mindful that it’s hard to see the mess we’re in because we don’t have a bird’s eye view of the whole situation and though others may not have gone through your situation, it doesn’t omit the things that they see and can interpret.
• If the person(s) in question causes you to detour and modify your life’s plans and to accommodate their own ambitions and aspirations, at that point you are forsaking your own purpose and identity and it becomes easy to develop a sense of co-dependency.
• Regardless of any age, reciprocity is key to any good connection. If you find yourself always on the giving end of the tie you question, it is indeed an indicator that there is an imbalance. Whether the person has the capability and chooses not to, or they just don’t have the capacity to reciprocate, you will fall prey to suffering the effects.
How do you separate?
Separating from the familiar is an uneasy task. I believe the best way to start is to:
1.) Acknowledge it and believe that you are due the same energy you put out without the expense of you.
2.) Address it. If the person becomes aware and are willing to shows efforts of improvement, proceed with a new perspective of considering yourself. If the person becomes combative and argumentative on the topic, you are dealing with a narcissist and should physically separate immediately.
3.) Reevaluate your aspirations and desires and develop a plan.
4.) Initiate the plan!
5.) Affirm daily that have to be the best you at the expense of anything that poses as a stumbling block.
6.) Don’t look back on what you’ve lost. Focus on what you stand to gain by considering you whole yourself!
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